I will turn 30 this year and have often thought that my struggls with "who I am" where related to the fact that I am no longer a young "20 something" and not quite a 30 something. But, this weekend I was given a revelation..."30 will be your year". I know that doesn't sound like much, but now I am excited...it is almost as if I have a chance to begin being something more than a label...mom, wife, student, teacher...what about the label of being ME? Why do we need labels anyways?
As I sat and pondered with my SIL (she is the one who handed me my revelation), I was really unrolling what was floating around in my head. I am now kind of saying how I feel (in certain circumstances of course as I would NEVER want to hurt anyone), but then as I sat there I was faced with the fact that I have allowed myself to be invisible to everyone. While I stand up for myself, I have allowed people to disrespect me. Why? Heck, I have no clue. To be honest, there are only a few people that I truly trust to never hurt me...I know never is a strong word, but I am sure you get the point.
I have family members that would be so pleased to make me feel less than them...is it because they are jealous? I have never looked at it that way. Is it because I have placed them at a higher value than I place myself... DING DING DING. So, if I recognize that then why do I continue to let them so those things. Most likely because I don't want to turn into them.
It really does feel like I am free to be me. I want to be me...30 will be my year. Although, I am not waiting on it to get here because I am not wasting one more day of who I am to make someone else happy!
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