Running and being Brave

I have gotten to a point with my blog where I am running from it.], and have been for quite some time.  Why would I run from my blog?  Well, you see I have had a lot going on in my life, in many areas.  I have a lot to share, but when I come to my blog to share it all, I allow my current pain, frustrations, irritations, etc. to overpower me, and so I stop...I don't write.  Partly because (as previously blogged about) I know who reads my blog, and I refuse sensor it or "hide" it.  (I say that now...lol)

A lot of what has been going on in my life totally involves others, and it is a true heartbreak when you spend so much time and energy on people, only to have it come back and slap you in the face.  I will not allow anymore of this to keep me from my blog.  

With that said, I'm moving on...I already have.  I have the best friends in the world.  They have been there for me in more ways than I could ever imagine.  I cannot imagine how I would have made it through the last "who knows how long" without them in it.  For that, I am truly grateful!!  

For a moment, I am specifically talking about Pop and T, and they are the greatest!  They are WAY more than friends....they have become family.  I have never asked for any one of my friends to do anything to be a friend to me...  I have also never tried to make my friends feel like they have to compete with any of my other friends (I hope...if so, this has never been the intent).  I guess I just always saw friendships as always being there...I have been proven wrong in this mindset recently, unfortunately.  

I have more going on in my life than I ever thought I could imagine...as I am sure most people have thought at one time or another.  But, the support system that helps me get through the day is of utmost importance.  I may not tell you how much you have helped me...even if it was a statement on FB or a quote on Pinterest, but please know that it helped me get through the day.  I also feel like if you are a true friend of mine then you will also help others to support me when I need it.  And, I need it a lot.  :)  Even if it is a "like" on FB.  I have seen a lot of that on FB... I notice it all.  Thank you for being true friends, even when I don't call you out on it!  I have many fantastic friends in many different capacities...some from childhood, adulthood, work, church, medical stuff, other friends, etc.  While I am close to each...it is MOSTLY in the capacity that I know them.  Some I know more than that, and that is great.  All of the friendships are still a very valuable friendships...I am a friend for life...unless you cross me.  But, I think there are many people that can even attest to the fact that with most anything between friends CAN be worked out.  I am that kind of a person...I think.  To my knowledge, I have a lot more friends...many more...than I do enemies...or even people who just don't like me.   

In saying that, and with my small shout out to Pop...here goes my BIG shout out to her!  (I am not idolizing her...just merely telling the world how great she is because most of you haven't met her!  She is FANTASTIC!!!!) 

I have never in my life met a person that gets me the way she gets me.  As for the aforementioned fantastic friends...some from childhood, adulthood, work, other friends, etc.,  they are exactly as I stated, but she has become like a sister to me.  Yes, I know I already have two...but this is different.  Pop and I can sit in a room with complete silence and be 100% content.  We are also content gabbing away and laughing at our ding-dong hubbies.  She is a person who is almost the exact opposite of me, and yet we share the same "heart thoughts"...ironic as S is the same way in terms of being opposite of me...maybe that is why we are how we are.  Pop, whether you know it or not, I draw a lot of strength, joy, compassion, love, and reserve from you.  You make me smile first thing in the morning  and send me positive vibes when (you don't know) I need them the most.  My world has stayed intact because you have been helping to keep it that way without even knowing.  I will never be able to tell you what you mean to me.  I am so glad that we share what we share...laughs, exercise (or current lack thereof), church, God, tears, heartache, heart mending, and silliness.  I love sharing the kitchen with you!  You make me want to be healthier (and a better cook...  :)  ).  Most of all, I thank God on a daily basis that He has placed you (and T) in my (our) life.  You have been there for some of the most important times in my most recent life, and I love that you are the "extra" Aunt to my children. I will never leave you...you are stuck with me until life ends.  :)  Thank you for who and what you are to me!!!  I never thought that all those years ago, we would be where we are now!  I am so happy, and this (our friendship) is so great!  Things will only get better from here...right?!  You make me brave!  :)  

Pop, this next part is due only in part to you and your bravery!  

All this being said, comes to the "being brave" section of my title.

You see, when I first started this blog (a LONG time ago), I thought it would be cool to just journal stuff as the days happened.  Actually it started on myspace...  I kept it (this blog) hidden (and even parts of me in it) for many reasons.

  

1) While I am a talkative person (in person), I only let you see what I want you to see.  Parts of this blog were and are still who I am...on more of the real me. 

2) Once I gave out the blog to people I realized I began to sensor myself due to not wanting "them" to know how I really felt about something...  Yes, I am aware (after talking to a FANTASTIC blog friend) that even the best bloggers sensor themselves to a degree.  It depends on the blog and the blogger.  

3) What will my "real" friends and family think once they see inside my true workings?  Time will tell.

4) What happens when I want to talk about controversial items that are personal to me?  Will you change your views about me?  Will you still "be my friend"?  

5)  Last one...I struggle with my spirituality a lot, as can be in this blog.  I am not looking for someone to chastise me, change my thoughts/beliefs, or even challenge me; however, I do welcome a different perspective on things just to show you that I have an open mind.

I feel like I am an just like every other person/woman/mom in the world...maybe...with struggles, laughs, trials, joys, etc. just like everyone else. 

SO...I will post this blog on FB...officially.  

*I will not edit any previous posts, so please know that those were my thoughts in the moment.  If you have a question or comment please respect me and follow through appropriately.  I realize that there are those of you who already know this blog as mine and we have talked (sometimes) at great lengths about some of the issues.  I am not a "regular" blogger, but I try to be...sometimes.  I tend to be a very busy person, so I post when I feel like I can. 

** You will notice that I struggle with some of the same issues in the beginning as I do now.  I am working on them in many ways, but know that, again, I am open to alternative ideas. 

***There are a lot of people that this one blog post could refer to in terms of being a great friend, I hope you know who you are.  If not, then I am seriously slacking!  Please let me know! 

**** I cannot promise that I will always be who you want or see me to be in this blog.  I also cannot promise that I will put 100% of me out there 100% of the time.  If nothing else, it will allow me to be more accountable to myself in many areas.  

Please always feel free to contact me in any manner if you have any questions or comments.  I just ask that you are respectful of/to me...I will do the same.  However, please know that the whole purpose of this blog is for me to be me and discuss my current life, thoughts, etc.   

If you know me personally, DO NOT contact any member of my family about the information shared on this blog as this is MY blog...not theirs.  These are my words, thoughts, and feelings.  While I may discuss mine and their lives I try to do so with some privacy (thus nicknames or initials...).  I ask that you maintain that privacy with them.  They know I have this blog, but they did not choose for me to write about them.  Again, these are my words, thoughts, and feelings.

Thanks for reading!  I hope you enjoy!!!  In the meantime, I will try and pull the blogs I had previously written on myspace.