Faith and Randomness
Current mood:
blessed
What is on my mind… completely random blog…..:
* I just am at a loss as to how to describe how much God truly loves me. No I am not on a "religious kick"! I just can't seem to wrap my head around it. The idea that I am loved for no reason except He chooses to love me is amazing. It makes me blissfully happy and extremely emotional all at once.
* I also love to worship God. I really do. To sit in church and to sing to Him is amazing. Then when I sing songs about what I want or need him to do in my life…or about the things has already done makes me want to just fall at his feet and cry because I know I will never feel or have a love like that.
Change My Heart, Oh God
Change my heart, Oh God, make it ever true
Change my heart, oh God, may I be like You
You are the potter, I am the clay
Mold me and make me, this is what I prayI love this song!!!!
* Faith. That is such a pretty and powerful word. I am a religious person who has faith. I truly go to church to learn more about God, the Bible, and how they relate to me.
Why am I saying all of this?
I guess because if look back over the last year a lot IN and around me has changed. First of all, since Shawn and I have been married this is the first time we have gone a full year without a member of our families dying. That is a big deal to me. Tomorrow, however, is relay for life and is always emotional. I am also going into my second year back in college and hopefully by this time next year I will have my associates in Elementary Ed and will be in the TSU Teacher ED program.
We are also gearing up for a family vacation to Massachusetts and we will be with MY whole family for 7 days. To be honest, I think I am most excited to just be getting away from the "norm" of things. I am excited for a change even if it is just for a week. This will also be the first time back to Mass. since my grandfather died in 2005. I don't think I am ready to see him at the cemetery and to think about it brings tears to my eyes. This, however, backs up to my current greatest fear…the declining health of my grandmother. I mean I know that people don't last forever, but that doesn't make the thought and grieving process any easier.
As humans, I think, we all want to fit into some crowd…or at least be around people we think are just like us. I know I do that… Then that leads to making sure you know who you are…that would be the hard part. I recently made some type of list to find out my likes and dislikes as I had never really thought about it before. It looked something like a mix between who I thought I was and someone I didn't really know. That is okay with me…it a search to figure myself out…I guess.
Here is some of it:
I have found out some things about myself. Here are some things I love:
*my faith: my God is so wonderful and I can never dream to imagine the love he has for me.
*Jesus Christ: I can never love him as much as He loves me and that is okay with him.
*my husband: we are so opposite of each other, but it works. I am more in love with him today than I was when we got married. He accepts me when I don't accept myself...Whether I know it or now he knows the real me.
*my children, innocent and beautiful: The bring joy to me when I least expect it...even if I don't show it all of the time.
*my family: the love has not always been unconditional from them, but it has gotten better...I really love them and I hope they know it.
*music...it is my passion. I have never said it like that before. It is the by far the true expression for how I feel.
*children: they are the future and I want to be a part of their future. I want to make an impact where no one else ever has. I love the hugs they give and love they feel from me.
*to praise God
*kisses from my hubby
*hugs and kisses from my kiddos
*to hear my children pray and praise God
*to see someone come to Christ
Here are the things I like:
*singing
*christian music
*alternative music
*to dress up
*converse tennis shoes
*snow
*video games
*home decorating
*to make other people happy
*to give even when I have nothing left to give
*the beach
*school
*pizza
*mac and cheese
*black and white pictures
*to feel wanted
*ice cream
*fireworks
*grass between my toes
*camping
*smores
*fall
*flip flops
*pink
*green
*funky designs
*kisses in the rain
*true friendship
*having a voice
*being different
*waking up to the smells of early morning
*the list goes on....Coming up with this list was a long battle within me to overcome stereotypes and fears. Why you might ask? Because for a long time I lived in a world where I did what was expected not what I wanted. Now that isn't true about all things, but a lot of them...
It is amazing to think about the last year and how things have changed or stayed the same. The difference is that I am more content with life, am trying to "go with the flow" more than ever before, and am more myself that ever before. God has helped me get here and He will never leave me. When no one loved me He always did.
I know this is all random (I told you it would be in the beginning). It is just what is on my mind.
Today!
Current mood:
Well..hmmmm....today is the 1 year anniversary of my mother-in-law's (Shelly Broadrick) passing. It has been a hard day...one that is very painful but also happy...knowing that she is in Heaven and that she got to see her mom and dad again makes it ok with me. I miss her like CRAZY...yes...but it makes it ok.
For those of you who don't know who I am talking about.... My mother-in-law was 49 years old when she was diagnosed with stage 4C Ovarian Cancer on September 23, 2004. That is a day I will never forget! She went through a very tramatic surgery in October 2004 and recovery process. At which time they moved in with us so that I could help to take care during her recovery and chemo. It was very hard, but I wouldn't trade that time with her for anything. In Feb. of 2005 they moved back home and then in March 2005 she was deemed No Sign of Cancer!!!! YAY!!! She had come very far and had fought hard to get where she was. The doctors had only given her 2 weeks to live just 6 months before. Praise God they weren't right.
Then in November of 2005 we started noticing signs of her in pain...her tests at the end of the year were still in ok range. After her 90 day waiting period...she took the tests again in March and it was back. They said that when it came back it would be full blown...and it was. They started her on Chemo...3 rounds in they found out the chemo wasn't working...they tried another one...needless to say she only got 1 round of it. Then on the 4th of July 2006 she had clear signs of end stages. She went to the Dr on the 5th they said this was the end and to call Hospice...3 days later with having said her goodbyes and family at her bedside singing "How Great Thou Art" (One of her favorites) she went to meet her savior in Heaven. I was with her when she passed (as were several others) and that is by far the most spiritual moment in my life...I could feel her leave this Earth to be forever in Heaven.
I miss her daily...yes, I know that we had our problems, but I miss her EVERY SINGLE DAY.
So, today on her 1 year anniversary... I got 22 teal colored balloons and set off to the cemetery. I met several family members there and I could feel the ones who wanted to be. We released the balloons into the sky. Now what is so special about the balloons (yes, I know that she hated balloons because she didn't like the sound when they popped)? The number 22 is for the number of months that she lived from the time she was diagnosed until she passed. Theteal color is for Ovarian Cancer Awareness. I also attached a card and on the front was her name and dates and on the back was some Ovarian Cancer facts. I said a prayer over them before we let them go...I just prayed that God would use them to their full advantage and that those who were in need of that info would get it. I also did it so that she might make a difference in this world. Yes, she died of Ovarian Cancer but through her experience and our loss we can inform others and maybe change someone elses life. I don't want one other person to have to go through this.
She was 51 years old with 2 brothers, 5 sisters, countless nieces and nephews, a husband, 3 Children, 3 grand children, several pets and swarms of other family that miss her GREATLY!!! She had a hard life, but wouldn't have changed it for the world. She fought a long hard fight and knew where she was going. So today...I say...I miss you, but you finally got your happy tears!
In Lovong Memory:
Shelly Broadrick
January 3, 1955- July 8, 2006I Love You and Miss You!!!
With all of that said...please gets some info about Ovarian Cancer. It is a horrible disease and not enough information out there.! Here is a websitewww.ovarian.org . It only takes seconds and could save you or someone you knows life!
Updates!!
Current mood:
excited
Well...we have already had a very busy summer!
Last week was VBS and I had 16 first graders in my class. It was a wonderful week and I am looking forward to next years. We also had all the normal church things going on..chior and meetings and such. This last week has truly been an awsome week for me personally and spiritually. I get really excited when God shows me He is there and that I am just to come to Him!!
I am also starting back to school this fall for my teaching degree. I am so excited and God has really revealed himself to me that this is where he wants me to be.
Shawn's work schedule has changed so we are having to be without him on the weekends.
But it is just temporary so we can handle it!
The biggest news that I have is that during VBS last week Corrin accepted Christ!!! I am so excited for her and our family! She is going to be baptized this weekend (July 8th)!!! This is a hard day for us as that day will be the 1 year anniversary of my mother-in-law's passing. But I know that She is rejoicing in Heaven that 1 year to the day of her passing her grand-daughter is coming into the family of Christ!!!! I am soooooo excited!!! There has been a lot of things like this going on in and around us. There were at least (that I know of) 3 children in our VBS that accepted Christ! God is sooo Great!!!
We have just over a month left until school starts and I know that it will be here before we know it!! In just 2 weeks we have registration!! I have a 2nd and 3rd grader now!
Hope all of you have had a great summer so far!!!
The many colors of my hair!
Current mood:
I decided I would explain some of the "new" photos I have posted. Last Feb/March I took on a bet that my hubby made that I wouldn't dye my hair JET BLACK....ummm and as you can guess by the pics...I did it! Then after about 6 weeks I decided I was tired of it. Well, I called Kim and said I think that I want to change my hair...so after carfeful thought and consideration we proceeded. Needless to say after 3 bleachings (in one night) my hair was PLAID!!! We then laid a red over it and called it a night. After several months I attempted to "fix it" and lay a blonde over it....It was Orange...but I just figured I would leave it alone for a while and I did. Until about 6 weeks ago... when I had my hairdresser put in blonde highlights. I am also now not cutting my hair anymore. It is the longest that it has been since high school. I love it now...and I am NEVER doing that again. So, now you have the story of my ever changing hair colors!My New Tattoo!
Current mood:
indescribable
I wanted to tell you all about my new (first) Tattoo. I got it today and it is on the lower part of my neck. I designed it and am in LOVE with it! Why? do you ask. Well....I have been thinking about it for a while and I decided if I had control over it then it would be okay.
There is a special meaning to my tattoo...it is not just some random "I want one tattoo". In the tattoo I am the daisy. The 4 petals falling off represent 4 very special people in my life that have passed away and them falling off shows that when they left a part of me went with them. The Butterfly is also representing one of those people watching over me as I grow in life.
The first petal is for my Grandpa, he passed away in 1996. The second is my Grandma, she passed away in 2004. The Third is my Papa, he passed away in 2005. Last, but not least is my Mother-in-law, Shelly, she passed away in 2006. She is also my butterfly...why? you ask. Well...there once was a comment that if she passed away then she would be around us in the form of a butterfly....and I like butterflies.
The colors represent several things. I am a fan of pink, so that is why the pink is in there. The purple is because I like it too, but so did Shelly. The white is for the purity of the soul as it goes to Heaven. And of course the standard colors of a daisy.
I would have never thought I would have gotten a tattoo...not that there is anything wrong with them, but I have fallen in love with it!
6 Weird Things
Current mood:
peaceful
6 Weird Things
Each player of this game starts with 6 weird things/habits about you. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird habits/things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end you need to choose 6 people to get tagged and list their names. Dont forget to leave a comment that says you are tagged in their comments and tell them to read your blog.
6 Weird Things About Me:1. I don't like sandwiches... I like the kind with toasted beard but I can't stand the mushy texture....sure fire way to make me get sick! The only hamburger that I will eat is from Mickey D's otherwise they are with out a bun....oh and the ones without a but HAVE to HAVE cheese...while the one from Mickey D's can't.
2. I can't stand to have stuff under the kidos' beds. Not beceause you could see it but because I know that it is there so I will have them pull it out and clean it up.
3. I don't like carbonated drinks...not even the alcoholic kind. I cannot stand the way it "fizzes". Now for the weirdest part of this one...in jr high there was a coke machine that we could occasionally go to. I would buy a Dr. Pepper and barley open it and sip on it all day so I wan't the only one without a drink.
4. My food CANNOT touch. I will section it off on my plate so it won't touch. Now, if it has a skin or is like corn on the cob then it is ok but other than that nope. Yes I can tell when other foods have touch cause I can taste is instanly.
5. I have absolutly random thoughts just pop out of my mouth....just ask my nephew Alex...lol Usually they are about something that I forgot to say or do but nonetheless random.
6. I get sidetracked really easily. I will be putting something away then pick something else up and completly forget about what I was doing....Shawn loves this one... LOL
**6 people to tag: Jordan, Stevie, Becky, Crystal, Anthony, Tracy**
Hmmmm.... Me
Current mood:
So I have decided to try this whole blogging thing. Now don't get all excited cause it might not last. I have in the last few months been trying to come up with a better idea of who I am. Now, I know that, that might sound odd as Iam 26 and should know this by now, but nope... I don't. With that said... I have been in search of me. I have had a little bit of coaching...you know who you are...and it has helped a lot. But I have also learned that I am a very dependent on my hubby...that is a good thing... and I am not the same person I used to be (before marriage and kidos).
I have figured out that there are a lot of things I like and a lot of things I don't...and some of them surprise me. So the best way to do this is to make a list of likes and dislike that I have discoverd.
Dislikes
-the fact that people like to take advantage of me
-snobs
-people who pretend to be what they aren't... I guess looking back I could have fallen into this category...but that is a changin
-maybe I don't like changing my hair as often as I do...I guess I should just be happy with what I have
-irresponsible people
-taking crap from people because I am too affraid to say otherwise
-those little snip-it comments that people make just to say that they did...
-people who think that they know who you are and what is best for you
- "white trash"
-people who don't respect anyone
Likes-drums...I would even like to take lessons
-piano...I have taken lessons, but never realized until now how much I like it
-punk rock... I guess that is what you would call it...music.
-Church...I really do like to be there... I don't think it is just my Church though...I would go to any Church
-funny people... I mean I have really gotten a sense of humor here lately
-Being honest... I mean truly honest not that fake stuff
-being truly content with your life...have you ever met someone like that...I have
-Being a stay home mommy and wife
-that I need to look at the small things to find overwhelming joy
-sticking up for myself... I have to work on this one...and when I do... YOU all will know it
-to be in control
-having people that want youto be you and they embrace you
-Softball...WOOOHOOOO... I love me some softballWell, maybe that is enough for now, but it was nice to write it out. Maybe I am one step closer to being me or a new nad improved version of me!
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Myspace blog compilation...
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How do you do this?? you know how when rains for a few days and suddenly the sun pops through a cloud and it instantly makes you feel better? thats you Racheal, your hope, your optimism, your silver lining, is just a beauty to behold, as I sit in this valley wondering how to get out, I see you sitting at the top and I know I can climb again, I know how much you loved Shelly from all the things you did to help her, so I know my pain is only equal to yours which lets me know I can overcome it, I like that instead of dwelling on her being gone , you think of her as she is, happy in heaven, where theirs no more tears no more pain, youve learned a great lesson, how to move forward, Gods still working on me with this, but he set you in front of me and said , see my child it can be done. Thank you Racheal for taking of Shelly when she was sick, for taking on so much, with so much already on you as a wife and mother, for everyday that you watch over J.B. and help lead him and guide him ultimitely it will be you who influcenes him the most, you are his female role model, who he looks to for comfort and looks to as the standard for his own wife, we labor on earth to build our homes in heaven, I know your mansion will be a sight to behold, by your works on this Earth....
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4 years ago