Who Am I?

As I sat here and figured out that I wanted to blog more and then made my blog look all *pretty*, I was reminded of many things that humans face. Things that we most likely choose to do or place ourselves in certain circumstances for "xyz". For example, I know that I constantly place outrageous expectations on myself, but why? Who am I trying to impress...cause in all honesty the only people that matter are Shawn and the kiddos.

Then it causes me to want to look deeper within myself to find out who I am and try to separate me from being mom and wife....I know...they are all the same person, but are they? I was me first then a wife, then a mom. Then it is a struggle within about specific situations...cussing, drinking, certain friends, movies, music, etc.

Who am I trying to impress? What for? Why?

Like I have stated on here before there are many things I like and don't like...often they don't fall into the typical mom/wife/*christian* role. Who set up what the standards are? Why do they get to say so?

I realize that based off of the profession I have chosen that certain behaviors aren't acceptable in the classroom or even public where I would be seen as an example and role model. Teachers aren't exactly supposed to be covered in tattoos or have weirdly colored hair, but there are many other ways to express who I am without being over the top. Tattoos can be placed in unseen places, hair can be dyed within reasonable parameters.

I guess I am the girl/woman that seems one way on the outside but as you get to know me I let layers peel away and reveal that I am a rock/punk music lover, with at desire to have a drink every now and then. I am someone who likes to be different to a point. I have to fully understand a subject to grasp it. I wanna be high-maintenance without all the fuss. I am a mix of elegance and class with punk and out of control. I like girly things, but don't mind getting dirty ;p!

The music I listen to is contemporary Christian. It fills me up when I need it and there are so many genres of music within in that title that I hear everything from gospel to punk rock and rap. One of my favorite musicians right now is Francesca Battistelli. She is amazing nad her songs teach me life lessons. Here is a song that goes with how I am feeling right now:

Free To Be Me

At twenty years of age
I'm still looking for a dream
A war is already waged for my destiny
But You've already won the battle
And You've got great plans for me
Though I can't always see, 'cause...

I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
And on my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me

When I was just a girl
I thought I had it figured out
See my life will turn out right
And I'll make it here somehow
But things don't always come that easy
And sometimes I would doubt, 'cause...

And you're free to be you

Sometimes I believe
That I can do anything
Yet other times I think
I've got nothing good to bring
But You look at my heart and you tell me
That I've got all You seek
And it's easy to believe, even though...

And you're free to be you