Collide

Sometimes it feels as though this world and I were not meant to collide. Things seem great for brief moments; then, gone just as quickly. I cannot tell you that I am happy or sad...numb. I cannot tell you I am honest about my feelings from moment to moment. I cannot tell you that who you know is who I truly am. I cannot tell you that while writing this I remained self centered enough to think of only my problems...because there are way worse problems. I know that.

I can tell you that I am in a heavy state of depression that has not been told or spoken until now. I can tell you that I feel alone in all of my thoughts and feelings. I feel like I haven't no right to have those feelings...or that I can even handle them. I cannot really talk about it though because there are more/bigger pressing issues that deserve attention.

So...as I sit here crying about my life and all that I cannot change...here are my thoughts...

I want to runaway...from what...who...to where...why? I feel as though I live in a world where I am not of worth.

If I wasn't here would it be so bad? And as I write this I feel like a little puss for even thinking these things. I am angry...mad...frustrated...lonely...worried...sad...confused...helpless...hopeless
And they all collide.