Does the searching ever end?

I often find myself wondering if the journey to finding ones self ever ends. I guess at one time I knew who I was and then life changed, and I took on the role that was needed and then the cycle began. So, do you ever really know who you are? If so, how do figure that out?

Here I am, 2 in the morning, can't sleep, and pondering these questions.

I often question where that girl went that was so strong and independent. The one who made up her mind about something and went full force without hesitation. The one who knew what made her happy and sad. The girl who took charge and tried her hardest to make a difference...if but for no one other than herself.Where did she go? Is she still here?

While watching the movie Hope Floats tonight, "Berdie" pondered much of the same questions. I know I am strong...I think? I think I have taken on the role of who others want me to be and lost myself in the process. It sucks! I mean, I love being a wife and mom...I wouldn't trade it for the world! But, how can I expect to give them all of me if I have NO IDEA who that is.

I could sit here and cry...where did I go? Who am I now? Who was I before? Before what?

I feel like I am caught in between being young and being the "mommy and wife"...if that makes any sense. I want to be who I am, but I want to be wanted by my husband...and to tell the truth...my husband likes the young me better...dying my hair every weird color out there, body piercings, "cool". And while I like those things I also think there is a time to move past some of that...or maybe there is just a time and a place and I never have the time or the place.

I see all these tv shows about women in their late 20's early 30's living it up and having a great time...I wan to be that girl...but how? How do I be her and me at the same time? What if my husband doesn't love the "real" me...then what?

So, does the searching ever end? How does it even begin?